Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Who Is Watching Your Children?

Instead of doing homework tonight, I am distractedly processing the tummy ache that showed up with Mister's comments tonight about being left out at school. Being left out has been the nightly report for a week now, and this mama has a sudden urge to withdraw him and spend the year eating ice cream and throwing rocks. Who would want to hurt the heart of this sweet, sweet boy? Without much agency outside of a friendly e-mail, I am posting the following, as a reminder to myself that these babies are on loan, but never alone - not even at the school where my baby got left out today. :(

When my husband and I were making plans to travel to Rwanda, I was regularly asked the obvious question: “Who is watching your children?” I have often, and with distain, accused my husband of rehashing events. “Its true,” he will say. “And you pre-hash them.” So, because Rwanda was far away and it appeared we really would be going, I began The Prehash.

Prehashing helps me scour the horizon for missed details. It also takes the wheel of my heart, allowing me to lean way out of the passenger window and collect all manner of borrowed trouble. At one point in this frenzy, I found a small bit of quiet and filled it immediately with the sound of my own voice, worrying to God about the trip. Then I got distracted by a memory that filled my heart with gratitude for my little family.

“Thank you for letting me borrow your babies,” I told him. When I later found a piece of paper and I pen I wrote it down and read it again: “Thank you, Lord, for letting me borrow your babies.”

At church the next Sunday the people around me sang sappy songs. My chest started to tighten and one juicy tear fell from my right cheek only my lap. “Who is watching your babies while you are gone?” the music asked. I heard myself answer back. “Jesus is watching my babies. And we also hired someone we love and trust.” Invited to this particular worry His name sounded fresh, strong and promising. Infinitely able. Embarrassingly obvious.

He was always watching them.
He is always watching them.
He will be always watching them.
At school.
In the yard.
While they sleep.
When Mama is away.

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